You will be distressed, and rending your raiment, (I can write that but don’t ask
me to say it), to hear that I have been less than well these few days. Nowhere near
in the Dave league of biblical plagues, but enough to interrupt the rhythm of my
life to the extent that I have had my computing perambulations somewhat curtailed.
Today, having failed to sleep much last night, and been woken by a cough every time
I tried to sleep, and with a headache and other symptoms, I resorted to watching
daytime television. I am happy to report that it is wonderful. I saw, for the first
time, the whole of the episode of “Whose line is it anyway” with Richard Simmons,
having only seen clips before. It was almost worth becoming ill for.
I have been reluctant to write much about my old friends, the Windsors, because of
the news embargo, and not wanting to step out of line, but I know that some of you
are keen to be kept up to date.
I knew that something monumental was afoot when that silly tart Camilla telephoned
in November, in a bit of a state about what appeared to be a packing dilemma. “Just
theoretically, of course”, she began, “what do you think the correct number of pairs
of underpants would be required by a young chap for, say, 4 months in Afghanistan?”.
I told her four, but put an extra pair in to be on the safe side. I am always surprised
at how gullible the silly buggers are. One would think that they lived constantly
surrounded by sycophants incapable of being anything other than totally subservient.
I heard nothing more about it, and I have to confess that I was a bit bemused to
see all the fuss about Charlie’s youngest in the news, because I could swear I found
him hiding in a cupboard in St James’s Palace in January, and in February I had what
I assumed was a misdirected text asking if he could come out yet. I replied that
he would have to wait for Edward.
It is nice to see Liz taking it easy at last. Most Wednesday afternoons she nips
out to the Bingo at the old Bermondsey Gaumont. It is surprising that she has never
been found out, but generally the population of London are so up themselves that
they notice nothing. A few years ago it fell to me to escort her on this venture
– and what a bloody waste of time that was. Not made any more pleasant by her antics,
I might add. One time the poor old love got a tad confused, and mistook the passengers
waiting to board the train at Westminster tube station for a trade delegation from
Paraguay, and went along asking them all “What do you do?” and “Have you come far?”.
Generally in London there are more than 50 nutters to the square foot, so one more
went unnoticed, but it wasn’t very easy for me to extricate her. Once she got inside
the hall it was no better. It took her about 2 years to learn the rules, and then
on the odd occasion when she managed to get a winning line she would yell out “Palace!”
I eventually pointed out that this was not the accepted norm, but even when she changed
to “Hice!” it was little better.
So sorry to hear you've been ill. Good to see it hasn't affected your bile gland.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 7:50:00 AM
Oh god, man-flu. I'll try and feel sorry for you and send you some tissues. To avoid
passing it onto the missus, I'd retreat to the shed if I were you.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 9:12:00 AM
Big girl's blouse.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 10:29:00 AM
Vicus Scurra said...
Thank you Zoe, I feel embraced by the warm glow that always surrounds you.
Mrs S passed it on to me. I let her go out on her own, and she brought it back with
her. I suppose that I will never be able to restrain my liberal attitude.
Anonymous. You look very nice in it. Remember to put something else on if you are
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 10:42:00 AM
Well..no message for Dave? Rushing 'round to congratulate the famous; but what of
Oh, and it's me by the way. Off to put my big girl's pyjama top on; it's hard having
already lived today.
Relax the rest of you: am only occasional stalker.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 10:58:00 AM
Vicus Scurra said...
I deduce that "anonymous" is the famous sulphur breathing antipodean sweety pie who
comes here from time to time to share her perspicacity. How blessed we truly are.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 12:05:00 PM
Lord Tennisanyone said...
You poor little Bunny!
Isn't it ghastly how some poncy blogger named Drudge or Judge Dread or something
or other, blew the whistle on Harry's attempt to singlehandidly end the war in Arf
ghanistan? How perfectly common?
Apparently every other Media Oultet around the world was in on the 'secret' and managed
to keep it on the QT!
Personally I find it tremendously encouraging that the Press and the Government are
in 'cahoots' and manage to keep TOP SECRET matters from the great unwashed.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 6:21:00 PM
Glad you are on the mend!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 7:24:00 PM
Sorry to hear of your illness. It does seem to be going around.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:00:00 AM
ah poor baby, stay in bed and be waited on.
I thought you were supposed to call 'bingo' in bingo, no?
Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:56:00 AM
I knew I shouldn't have coughed on that email.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008 9:43:00 AM
Vicus, as an insider at the palace can you tell me one thing. When are they gonna
admit that Harry is Hewitt's?
Wednesday, March 05, 2008 11:01:00 AM
Tom, I don't think she'd met Hewitt then. And look at Harry next to Charles. If they're
not related then I'm not my mother's son.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008 10:41:00 PM
I, still, like the views said...
in my experience of travelling, one only needs one pair of knickers as long as one
takes a tube of Travel Wash with one, washes the knickers out before bedtime, folds
them into a small towel which one places under one's pillow for the overnight duration
so that they are dry by morning
of course, perhaps she knew he was going to a place where there was no running water,
no towel and no pillow
and of course this only works if you sleep at nighttime
are you well yet? when I had that bug I felt for at least two weeks as if I'd been
run over by a steam-roller; still, even that wasn't an excuse for daytime telly,
but I'm glad you managed to amuse yourself
hugs and kisses
Friday, March 07, 2008 7:08:00 AM
probably easier to just go commando and not pack anything.