Some people say we are joking, but if London with it’s traffic congestion, overpriced property, lack of space and unfathomable accent can seriously challenge for hosting the games in 2012, then why not Kingsley for 2016.
SKWIRRIL will be campaigning tirelessly in the coming months. Get behind us.
Kingsley has a strong sporting tradition. We run two cricket teams, a soccer team, have a tennis centre, a golf course, and a darts board in the “Cricketers”. Not bad for a village with only eight men between the ages of 15 and 50. Our women folk back us up nobly, and fill the gaps in the teams. Indeed, during the cricket season Mrs Malvolio-Ferguson’s prodigious bouncers are the talk of the Surrey and Hampshire cricketing fraternity.
By coincidence, our village pond is almost the exact size for an Olympic swimming pool. We may not have to build diving platforms, as existing trees could perhaps be modified. The problem of the Oakhanger Angling Society having rights to fish there can be overcome by bribery or the addition of fish poison, or, alternatively, the presence of predators will make the swimming more competitive, and remove the less intelligent athletes. I can not imagine Anita Lonsborough being tempted by a worm on the end of a hook, but the same might not be true of some of these foreign chaps.
I would also think that a running track placed around the pond would be ideal. I bet it is just about the right size. Again, the presence of snipers (aka the British Army), would liven up the proceedings. I fail to see the attraction in watching grown men run round the track for 5000 metres, but if they were required to dodge bullets, it would increase the viewing figures. When you consider how many successful athletes go on to become Conservative MPs, then failure to dodge would be no bad thing. Yes! let’s invite Jeffrey Archer to compete.
We already have what might be described as the world’s biggest long jump pit.
I recommend the redevelopment of Churchfields as an Olympic Village for the competitors. Not big enough, I hear you say. Nonsense, build vertically.
Visitors will benefit from the modern shopping mall at “Country Market”, which has demonstrated every Sunday morning for many years the ability to provide parking facilities for an Olympic sized crowd.
As members of SKWIRRIL, the towns of Sleaford and East Worldham will be closely involved in the project, but should need arise, I am sure that neighbouring areas such as South Hay, Wheatley and Frith End would lend their support.
We could perhaps even host the winter Olympics. There might, finally, be a use for that unsightly hill at East Worldham as a ski slope. What better treat for the villagers than “Eddie the Eagle” flying past their bedroom windows, to cheer up a dismal January morning?