Another Official Site of
The Talke Pits Development Company
The Talke Pits Development Company
The web site of the witty, urbane and handsome Ken Phillips
The question of passing traffic seems to agitate the minds of the good citizens of Kingsley.
Should there be a bypass?
What should be the speed limit through the village?
Should there be traffic-calming measures?
Does Kingsley need a car park?
Can a village have citizens?
Should there be a bypass?
What should be the speed limit through the village?
Should there be traffic-calming measures?
Does Kingsley need a car park?
Can a village have citizens?
SKWIRRIL, acting on behalf of all residents, advocates the following position.
Bypass
Controversially, we say “NO”. Why should the public be denied the glorious vista of the industrial estate, the early Saxon village hall on the main road near to Sickles Lane, and the site of the Bakers Nursery? See below for our daring alternative.
Speed Limit
SKWIRRIL attempted to post this radical agenda on the Kingsley Web Log, but the administrators chose, at the same time, to make some changes, which resulted in the message not being posted.
The main problem with passing traffic is that it creates noise and air pollution. The SKWIRRIL position is that traffic travelling at 30 mph through the village takes twice as long as traffic travelling at 60 mph. It is unlikely that the amount of pollution is in direct proportion to the speed. It is more likely that the faster a vehicle travels through the village, the less chance there is of pollution building up. We therefore advocate the encouragement of a minimum speed limit of 90 mph. In order to accomplish this, the following civil engineering project will commence this summer. The unsightly hill at East Worldham will be moved closer to the western end of the village, to be complemented by a ramp, in proportion, at the foot of the hill. Vehicles should reach sufficient velocity to fly through the air above Kingsley, at speeds not less than 150 mph, landing softly in a new sandpit to be constructed on the stretch of road between Kingsley and Sleaford.
The main problem with passing traffic is that it creates noise and air pollution. The SKWIRRIL position is that traffic travelling at 30 mph through the village takes twice as long as traffic travelling at 60 mph. It is unlikely that the amount of pollution is in direct proportion to the speed. It is more likely that the faster a vehicle travels through the village, the less chance there is of pollution building up. We therefore advocate the encouragement of a minimum speed limit of 90 mph. In order to accomplish this, the following civil engineering project will commence this summer. The unsightly hill at East Worldham will be moved closer to the western end of the village, to be complemented by a ramp, in proportion, at the foot of the hill. Vehicles should reach sufficient velocity to fly through the air above Kingsley, at speeds not less than 150 mph, landing softly in a new sandpit to be constructed on the stretch of road between Kingsley and Sleaford.
Traffic calming
“Traffic calming” is a curious term, lightly tossed around as though it had some inherent meaning. Those with a scientific bent will note that being largely inorganic, motor vehicles are not subject to emotion. What we need is motorist calming. To this end, SKWIRRIL proposes the following.
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Piped music to be played along the length of the B3004. Greensleeves, “Walk Tall” by Val Doonican, anything by Bananarama or “What’s the ugliest part of your body” by the Mothers of Invention to be experimented with.
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Cars to be stopped as they enter the village and a trained aromatherapy masseur to accompany the vehicle on its journey, administering light scalp and neck massage.
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Images from Woodstock (Three Days of Love and Peace) to be erected on billboards at intervals, with slogans from the film – “Can you move away from the towers”, “What I have in mind is breakfast in bed for four hundred thousand”, “Keep away from the brown acid” and “Give me an ‘F’” by Country Joe McDonald.
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Villagers to be required to smile and wave lovingly at all visitors, even those just passing through. There will be a minimum of four villagers on greeting duty at all times. Rotas will be coming through your letterbox shortly.
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Car Park
The village car park will have to wait until the construction of the underground facility at the Kingsley Heritage Centre, news of which will be posted here, or more likely, not.
Citizens
Yes, it is true that citizens is a term strictly applied to residents of a city. Well, SKWIRRIL says “Think Big”*. Would Tony Blair be Prime Minister today if he had the least concern about the meaning of the words that he speaks?
* I am aware of the poor grammar. This is a reference to Apple’s appalling campaign to “Think different”. I know that the phrase should read “Think Bigly”.
* I am aware of the poor grammar. This is a reference to Apple’s appalling campaign to “Think different”. I know that the phrase should read “Think Bigly”.
Kingsley and Traffic
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